Better Days Ahead

I'm a 45 year old woman who is on an adventure to discover the purpose in all the trials and tribulations I have gone through. As I'm trying to discover what James says, "Consider it nothing but joy my bretheren when you go through many trials, that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.
I have two wonderful children and lost my husband Rob on April 19, 2014. I live in my father and step mother's home and was taking care of my step mother until she passed just recently on March 22nd. My father works away and is hardly even here. My 24 year old son who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder moved back with us last year, but seems to be not suffering delusions currently. My 15 year old daughter was in and out of behavioral health programs last year and failed 7th grade. We had quite a fight with the school who took us to truancy court for her absences. We now have more peace because she is home schooling online with a self-pace school. I am currently questioning what I should do to support my family, but wasn't able to due to caring for my sick stepmother. I have a dream to one day be self-employed. I just feel I need to get through the hurdles that seem to keep me back. So That is what this blog is about. I'm trying to find out what fears and mindsets keep me bound and keep me from pursuing my dreams. I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I am determined

I will run this race until I see His face oh let me live in the Glory of His Grace! I haven't written in a while I guess I fainted and let this lifes storms get me down. I was like in that commercial having to wind myself up to get started. But like up from the grave He rose so I am rising again. Like Rebecca St. James song "I crawl out of the ashes, burned with sin and shame and ask you Lord to make me whole again" You say if I turn from me and pray then you will hear me and answer. I have had my eyes on the problem and even tried to ignore the problem. I am sorry Lord I haven't turned to the problem solver. Hope deferred makes the heart sad and grow weak. I did lose my hope. The messages on Sundays have been great! I just need to apply them all week long. If you Praise God, God will step into your situation. This last Sunday came from Matthew 15:21-28. The woman in the story was like that widow who kept coming before the unjust judge. Lord please forgive me and help me like that Centuarian Help my unbelief. We believe you have what we need I guess we just give up too easily when we don't see the answer to our prayers. When we don't receive our drive thru breakthrough. We keep wanting it our way. I guess that is why I do hate fastfood. I am grateful for this job, but I don't want to do things at a fast pace. I have a challenging time slowing down. My husband is slower than me and it gets on my nerves when He doesn't hurry up and just get the job done. I guess it is good we need someone to slow us down, Those of us who are in such a hurry to get no where. We hurry and scurry until lifes no fun. This woman in Matthew 15 was a Gentile and because Jesus and His disciples were Jews they at first didn't want anything to do with her. She was coming to Jesus on behalf of her daughter, who had a demon in her and it was severely tormenting her. The woman was determined to have Jesus cast it out. She had heard of all He was able to do. She wasn't taking no for an answer. Makes me think of myself on how easily I let somebodies No hinder me. If I am a child of God I have rights. I cannot allow someones No to hinder me. I have blood bought rights. The disciples urged Jesus to send the woman away because she kept bothering them with all her begging. Jesus even told the woman He was sent only to help the people of Israel God's lost sheep, not the Gentiles. But then the woman came and worshipped him and pleaded again for the Lord to help her. Just like how our children get our attention and work on us if they want something by telling us they love us and can I take out the trash or help you do this and so Mom. Jesus said to this woman "It isn't right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs," She replied "Yes, Lord, but even dogs are permitted to eat crumbs that fall beneath their master's table" She was only looking for a crumb. She believed that Jesus could do it with just a crumb. Jesus loves this kind of Faith. Reminds me that we should look at our situations and tell it You are subject to change. I know my redemer lives and this situation has to bow down to the name of Jesus. Jesus we believe you are the problem solver, the heavy load sharer our bright and Morning Star. We thank you for stepping into our situation right now and healing and mending it. Turn the hearts of your children back to the Father in Jesus name. Amen!

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