Better Days Ahead

I'm a 45 year old woman who is on an adventure to discover the purpose in all the trials and tribulations I have gone through. As I'm trying to discover what James says, "Consider it nothing but joy my bretheren when you go through many trials, that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.
I have two wonderful children and lost my husband Rob on April 19, 2014. I live in my father and step mother's home and was taking care of my step mother until she passed just recently on March 22nd. My father works away and is hardly even here. My 24 year old son who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder moved back with us last year, but seems to be not suffering delusions currently. My 15 year old daughter was in and out of behavioral health programs last year and failed 7th grade. We had quite a fight with the school who took us to truancy court for her absences. We now have more peace because she is home schooling online with a self-pace school. I am currently questioning what I should do to support my family, but wasn't able to due to caring for my sick stepmother. I have a dream to one day be self-employed. I just feel I need to get through the hurdles that seem to keep me back. So That is what this blog is about. I'm trying to find out what fears and mindsets keep me bound and keep me from pursuing my dreams. I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

He Borne Our Grief

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
Isaiah 53:3-4 KJV

Jesus is called the man of sorrows. He is well acquanted with grief and suffering. We just need to let Him do His job. We need to allow Him to have all our grief we have no use for it it actually can make us useless in building His kingdom. We need to choose if we will serve God or our emotions. It is the same with guilt. We can give it all to Jesus because He said He already paid the price for it and we are debt free!

Sunday, June 01, 2014

It takes work, practice, learning, prayer, resources and grace to overcome the fear of failure. Not confronting our fears denies the grace of God and insults both his giving of the gifts and his grace to sustain us as we are learning.
(author unknown)

I found this quote while looking for something today. Don't you love how God puts things in our path at the precise time when we need them. I am seeking help and in prayer with a wonderful woman of God this morning, God reminded me of the above quote. I just know it was him that had his angels to put it back in my view. I moved last March into my parents home and it had to be God helping me find it again. I can't seem to find any thing. When I had my apartment I almost knew where most things were. This was written out in my own pen and I had hung inside my kitchen cabinet. I remember having this moment of clarity that this was my key the thing I had been missing in my need to grow. We need God's grace despirately, because I know for myself I get in His way all the time. I try to fix myself. I see something I don't like about my life and where it is going and try to read as much on that subject as possible. I know I was missing the practice doing what I need to be doing and praying in faith knowing that God would make the planns He has for me and my life succeed.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Job's Three Friends Share His Anguish

11When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. 12 When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. Job 2:11-13 New Living Translation
I am starting to blog again. I really was blessed and pray someone else will benefit from this too. We just don't know what to say to people when they have lost a loved one. I can relate, for I have wanted to comfort others and am now the one who needs to be comforted. I have experienced that after a while you do get tired of people asking you so "how are you doing?" I recentally had someone ask me and when I said not well they asked why? I guesss I'm a bit touchy but on the inside I screamed. "Well let's see, I DID JUST LOSE MY HUSBAND! but instead I just said I don't know. I guess I know they knew, but just wanted them to not ask me just know why automatically. It at the time seemed like a no brainer. I also must add and please don't take it personally, but us widowzillas sometimes just need you to sit with us and not say anything. We may not even need your advice just someone to show they care. I know as the comforter you hate to see your loved one hurting, but let's face it we will hurt and we may shed some tears just let us know it is okay and that we don't have to put on a fake smile for you so we can save you from feeling bad too. I understand that others can not and wont be there for you because they don't know how. I will get through this one day at a time and so will others. We just need to allow ourselves and others get through the stages of grief at their own pace. Believe me no one wants to move on to happier days more than the griever we just need a little patience with ourselve and with those that don't understand. Will have to remember what Jesus said on the cross "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." or say. In conclusion I do want to be like Job who said, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. If He should slay me I still want to say I will bless the Lord at all times His praise shall continually be in my mouth."